


Window To Your Soul

by Snowbazzz_lyf



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 04:15:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19863331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowbazzz_lyf/pseuds/Snowbazzz_lyf
Summary: Baz Pitch and Simon Salisbury have been friends since forever. Now all that remains to be seen is whether their friendship would ever blossom into love.A fic that has a lot of breaking into houses using windows because doors are overrated, mint aero bars and sour cherry scones, supportive moms and of course, slowly falling in love, coupled with Simon's usual obliviousness and Baz's hopeless pining.





	Window To Your Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sourest_Cherry_Scone_Baby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourest_Cherry_Scone_Baby/gifts).



> I wrote this oneshot for you, my friend, since it's your birthday. I hope you like it!

Baz watches him with quiet eyes and stillness that matches that of a cat, sitting on a branch, his legs dangling idly. He might be seven, but he is agile and quick on his feet and climbing trees has never been a challenge for him. He knows it's a little strange to watch someone like this, but he also knows he has always been a strange boy.

The boy he is watching is new in the neighbourhood. He and his mother moved in the house next to his only last week. The boy's name is Simon, he knows. That is what his mother calls him when he is out playing late and she wants him back in the house for dinner. He is not playing right now, he is trying to solve the rubik's cube, sitting on his front porch. Baz knows how to solve it, his aunt Fiona taught him. He is feeling slightly exasperated by Simon's stupid attempts to solve the cube and also feeling sorry for the boy, because it's clear he has not yet made friends with anyone.

"You are doing it all wrong!" He calls out finally, feeling physically pained at his pathetic attempts. Simon startles and looks around in confusion, not able to find Baz, of course, since he is sitting high up on a tree.

"Up here!" Baz says again, and Simon finally looks up, his eyes widening. Then he waves and calls back, "Come down here, then, and tell me how to solve it!"

Baz contemplates for a moment, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip before he shrugs and climbs down. He climbs over the fence seperating their houses and walks up to Simon who is standing up now, wearing a blinding smile.

"Hello. I'm Simon." He greets, his voice cheerful and he thrusts out his hand.

Baz refrains from saying, ' _I know'_ because he is not supposed to know, they have not been introduced. Instead he offers a small smile of his own and takes Simon's freckled hand in his copper toned ones and shakes it.

"I'm Baz."

* * *

Two weeks later, Baz and Simon are sitting on the Salisbury's front porch again and eating mint aero bars. They are both fond of it and they are both friends now, so Simon always shares his bars with him. Sometimes they talk, sometimes Baz teaches Simon how to climb trees, sometimes they chase each other around their houses, happy laughter ringing out loud, sometimes they sit and talk and sometimes, they just sit and do nothing. Right now, they are sitting and doing nothing except eating chocolates and they think that it's completely fine, which it is.

"Baz?"

Simon's mouth is full and chocolate is sticking on his teeth and it looks disgusting when he talks but Baz still gives him full attention because he is his friend, though he does make a face.

"Please close your mouth, Simon. It's very gross to talk with your mouth full."

"I know. My mum say so too! But this question is very important."

"Go ahead, then. But don't talk with your mouth full again, okay?"

He nods.

"Okay. Baz, what's your name? What's your complete name? I want to know."

"I don't think that's a very important question."

"It is! We are friends. I want to know your name because friends know each other's names."

"You know my name."

"I just know that your first name is Baz and your last name is Grimm-Pitch. What's your middle name? I will tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"Baz _is_ my middle name, silly." Baz laughs and Simon pouts.

"Please tell me about your first name then. Please please please!"

Baz looks away, thinking hard. He doesn't know if he wants to but maybe he can tell Simon. Simon will probably make fun of him, but he will know about his name someday and it is better if he gets it done with as soon as he can.

"Okay. Promise me you won't laugh?"

"I promise."

"My name is..." Baz hesitates and Simon shifts forward slightly, eager. "My name is Tyrranus Basilton Grimm-Pitch."

Simon blinks at him before he grins again.

"Wow, really? I have never heard anyone with that name before. Everyone is named Simon or George or Martha or Caleb or Lucy but I've never heard anyone named _Tyrranus_. I like your name!"

Baz can't believe his ears. He has always disliked his name, he thinks it's freakish and scary but Simon likes it. _Of course_ he does. Simon Salisbury likes everything. He can only smile before he nudges Simon's feet with his own.

"You told me you'll tell me your middle name."

"Oh yes. My middle name is Snow."

Baz laughs at that and Simon laughs with him.

"Your middle name is Snow? Like, the _snow_ Snow?"

"Yeah. My mum thinks people should have silly middle names."

Baz laughs again.

"I am going to call you Snow from now on."

"What? Why?"

"You call me by my middle name. It's only fair I call you by yours."

"Fair enough."

* * *

Baz sits on his bed, staring at the wall and sulking. He knows he shouldn't, that he should be happy for his father but he can't help it. After his mother's death, his father had become desperately unhappy and if there is another woman who now makes him happy, it's perfectly fine if he should get married to her, but Baz doesn't want that.

He doesn't know why.

It's not that Daphne is bad. She is very nice and she is always kind towards Baz, treating him with great tenderness, but she is _Daphne_. She is not Natasha, his mother.

There is a tap and Baz turns towards the window. His jaw almost hits the floor in shock as he sees Simon dangling on his window, begging him to open it. He jumps up and unlocks the window and Simon tumbles inside in a heap of arms and legs. He stands up in a moment and brushes himself before he gives Baz his trademark grin.

"Hello, Baz."

"What are you doing here?" Baz asks, still feeling shocked. They have been friends for almost three years now and everytime Simon visits him, he uses the front door, not his window.

"I wanted to see you."

"Okay... Do you need my help with something?"

"Nope. I just wanted to check on you."

"Check on me? What gave you the idea that I needed someone to check on me?"

"The fact that you're sulking at one in the morning. Scoot over now."

Baz moves and the two of them sit down on his bed.

"What's up, Baz? Why are you so upset?"

"We'll talk about that later. First of all, you tell me why _you_ are up at this hour and how did you manage to climb to my window?"

"I-" Simon falters before he shrugs. "I had a nightmare. Saw that your lights were still on so I thought I could check on you. By the way, I have climbed to your window before too, but you were asleep then so I went back home."

"You are mad, Simon, you will hurt yourself someday." He shakes his head before he pauses and asks in a much softer voice, "What was the nightmare about? Your dad?"

Baz knows about Simon's dad. He was not a good father, abusive towards both his wife and his child until one day Simon and his mother managed to escape him. Simon doesn't like to talk about his father. He hates him. Baz hates him, too, because you have to be really, _really_ awful to have Simon hate you or even dislike you.

"Yeah." He shrugs again. "I'm okay now. Really, Baz, I am." He says firmly when he sees him opening his mouth to object. "Now tell me why _you_ are upset and don't change the topic again."

"If you say so... and I am not upset. I am just a bit... worried."

"Worried?"

"Yeah. You know that my dad is getting married again next week and I am worried about that. Daphne- she is very nice but..."

"But?"

"But I don't want her to replace my mum. Not like- I don't know how to explain it. I want her to be my friend, my mother figure even, and I'm fond of her and she likes me too. It's just that- I don't- I don't want everyone to forget my mother."

It comes out soft, hesitant. Maybe that fear is foolish, maybe it's not. He doesn't know.

"Baz. It's okay if you are worried about that. I don't know for sure if she _will_ replace your mum, but something tells me, she won't. Nobody will forget your mother. Your father loved her, right? He won't forget her. Neither will your aunt. Nor will you. And Daphne is nice, she won't allow anyone to forget your mum."

Baz only nods. It's true what he has said. It's all true.

Then he smiles.

"Thanks, Snow."

* * *

Baz is not jealous.

Of course he isn't.

Simon is allowed to get new friends. He is allowed to make friends with Penelope Bunce and he is allowed to make friends with Agatha Wellbelove, like Baz is allowed to be friends with Dev (Dev is his cousin so technically, not exactly a _friend_ ) and Niall.

But Baz knows that for him, Simon is his most important friend. He is irreplaceable. It doesn't feel like that for Simon. It looks like Simon thinks it's a grand idea to make Bunce his new best friend and replace Baz. He knows he will be replaced. He is nowhere as good as Bunce.

And Agatha. Baz _hates_ Agatha. She is so sweet and so nice and so kind and so pretty. She's always awfully friendly with Baz as well. He hates her for that because she is so genuinely _good_. She has completely swept Simon off his feet.

But it's not like he is _jealous_.

He is eleven and he has known Simon for four years and he is not jealous.

"Basil, dear, what's wrong?"

Baz looks up from his half-eaten sandwich and finds Daphne frowning at him. She has adapted well to the family in one year and is eight months pregnant with her first child. She calls Baz 'Basil' when she is worried or being stern. She calls him 'Baz' rest of the times.

Baz considers lying to her but in the end, decides against it. Maybe it will help him if he tells her. So he does.

"It's Simon."

She nods, encouraging him to continue.

"I-I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore."

"Oh, love, why do you think like that?"

Baz instantly feels more at ease. He likes it when Daphne uses terms like 'love', 'honey', 'sweetie', with him because she means them. She is the most genuine person he has ever met and Baz admires that.

"He has got new friends. I have new friends too, but his friends, I think they are better than me. They will replace me. Simon is my closest and my dearest friend but I don't think he thinks the same for me."

"Oh, Baz." She says and waddles up to him. She gives him a hug and then sits down next to him.

"Baz, listen. I know you and Simon go way back. I know that you care very deeply about him and I'm sure he cares just as much about you. It's not just some talk. I have seen how he always plays with you and how he shares his chocolates with you and how he climbs to your room often. Yes, I know about that. I know how he always listens to you. Darling, he cares just as much about you as you do about him. And you know why he will never ever replace you?"

"Why?"

"Because you are _you_ , Baz. You know him better than anyone else does. You care so much about him. You are always a good friend. Scratch that, you're an amazing friend and Simon realises that. He is not going to give up on you, dear. Not ever."

Baz looks down, frowning at his palms. Then he leans into Daphne a little. She wraps one of her arms around his shoulder and gives it a squeeze and kisses the top of his head.

"Don't think like that, Baz. You are wonderful. I'm so glad to have you as my son."

Baz can't help the smile that spreads on his face.

* * *

Thank heavens the window is unlocked. It was no easy job to climb to Simon's bedroom, especially after nearly everything was still dripping wet and slippery after an entire day of rain. It would have been a nightmare trying to balance himself on his window sill and trying to open the window at the same time.

It isn't like he would have given up. He needs to give the sour cherry scones to Simon because he can't have them on his own.

Simon had been playing out in the rain and of course he got sick. He is twelve and he is foolish, not thinking twice before prancing about in the pouring rain. When Baz had visited him, he told him that he wanted to eat scones but his mother was not going to give him any as a punishment for playing in the rain.

Now Baz is wearing a satchel which has scones and is opening Simon's window at the dead of the night. Simon is still up because the lights are on and he is sitting up on his bed, reading comics and looking miserable.

"Hello."

Simon startles and when he sees Baz, he gives a tired wave and beckons him to sit next to him. Baz does.

"I bought you something."

"What?"

Baz just brings out the scones from his satchel and watches with amusement as Simon's eyes widen and then his face splits in a grin. Sour cherry scones are Simon's favourite.

"Baz! Thank you so much!"

Baz laughs and Simon smiles again, digging into the scones.

Baz watches Simon and he smiles at his friend, who is eating ravenously. His eyes keep on travelling to his lips.

 _'I want to kiss him.'_ He thinks and then he shakes his head, scared at the thought.

Simon is his friend and friends don't kiss like that.

* * *

  
Simon Snow Salisbury _won't_ shut up about Agatha Wellbelove.

Baz knows he is his friend. Baz knows that this is what friends do. Listen to the lovesick sonnets of their foolish friends and make fun of them, but Baz finds himself unable to make fun of him.

He is too busy concentrating on the fact that his walls are a pale blue colour and the Samosa he is eating tastes good and that Simon looks like a dream with his bronze curls and blue eyes and broad shoulders, now that he has gone past his awkward puberty stage and is criminally good looking at fifteen.

"For Crowley's sake, Snow, will you fucking shut up?"

Simon stops mid sentence about Agatha's 'chocolate brown eyes' and blinks at Baz.

"Oh. Did I get too carried away? I am sorry. I am just- I am just trying to get over the fact that I asked out Agatha and she said yes! Can you believe that Baz? She said yes! Oh man, this is like- like-"

"Dear Christ." Baz mutters under his breath and Simon hears him and he frowns. His frown deepens after a few moments.

"Baz?"

"Yes?"

"I just- I just thought. You aren't too happy about me and Agatha. Do you- do you like her too?"

He sounds scared and Baz almost laughs. Simon Salisbury is such an idiot.

"No, Snow, I don't. I mean she is great and all, but the thing is, I am gay."

He doesn't even think twice before telling him because he trusts Simon, completely. He knows he will accept him. He knows that he won't flip over his shit at that knowledge. He is right.

"Oh. Okay. That's great, mate. Good to know things won't get awkward between us."

He gives him a smile and Baz wishes he would stop doing that. He looks irresistible when he smiles.

He looks irresistible even when he has just woken up and there are traces of drool on his face and his hair is a mess and he looks like a disaster.

Baz knows he is completely fucked.

* * *

  
Baz is trying hard not to tear out his hair.

Tomorrow is the last day he has to submit his political science essay but he still hasn't started on it and he has no idea what to do.

He does have a little idea about what to write but he can't stop panicking. He would have had completed his essay earlier but he has been in a sorrowful mood for the past one week. Simon and Agatha are ridiculously in love, of course, and everytime he sees the pair of them doing cute couple-y things, it feels as if someone is tearing out his heart.

He hears his window slide open and he knows it's Simon. He doesn't even keep his window locked now. That's how often Simon climbs into his room.

"Hey, Baz. I know you haven't completed your home work."

"Yeah. Now kindly fuck off and let me panic in peace."

' _And concentrate a little.'_ He thinks. _'Your face makes me forget everything.'_

"Nope. I am here to help."

"What?"

"Yep. Not with the writing and stuff, of course, you know I am lousy at that. I am going to just sit here and give you pointers and help you with _that_ kind of stuff."

Baz thinks. He wants to kick out Simon right now. He really does. This boy has fucked up his heart and his mind but he is Simon and he is also his friend, so Baz agrees.

He completes his essay in record time. It's not even midnight when he finishes. All thanks to Simon.

When he finishes he glances over at Simon, who has gone quiet and finds him curled up on his bed, his mouth slightly open (mouth breather), curls falling on his forehead haphazardly, skin looking rich and golden. He is looking absolutely adorable and fucking gorgeous.

And Baz couldn't be more in love with him.

* * *

  
Baz hates Valentine's day.

Because Simon goes on a date with Agatha and Dev and Niall go out together and he is stuck alone at home, sulking. He is seventeen and he is hopelessly single and in love with a guy who is definitely straight and has a girlfriend.

Baz knows his life is a complete and utter mess.

He reads a book before he grows bored and he sees the various posts and stories of the people on Instagram with their dates and of course Simon and Agatha look picture perfect in every one. Of course. _Of fucking course._

He closes Instagram after that.

It's around eleven when his window opens and Simon tumbles inside, giggly and looking stupidly happy. Baz wants to slap him. He also wants to kiss him.

"Christ, Snow, are you drunk?"

"Nope." He says and he sounds sober.

"Alright. What are you doing here?"

"I don't want to sleep at home. It's-"

He shudders and shakes his head.

"I want to talk about my date with someone and I can only count on you to listen to my babble."

Baz wants to scream. He doesn't want to listen to Simon. As if seeing them together is not painful enough, he will also have to listen to Simon babbling about Agatha and their love sick talks. What a nightmare.

"Alright then. I will bring you a blanket."

He can never say no to Simon.

Simon nods and Baz leaves the room. He goes to the bathroom first and when he has locked himself inside, he allows himself to cry.

* * *

  
He knows he should be happy but he isn't.

Simon and Agatha are fighting. They won't look at each other or talk to each other.

A part of Baz is happy. But another part hurts when he sees Simon troubled. Simon loves her and he doesn't want him to suffer like he does everyday. He wants him to be happy. He has been in love with Simon for the past three years and he knows he will handle his feelings. He doesn't want Simon to be hurt and go through the pain Baz feels daily.

It's not like Simon and Agatha were having a great time before their fight. They had grown distant. More secretive. Less in love. They hardly go on dates, even though it's summer and they have a lot of free time.

Baz lies on his bed, twirling a feather in his hand as he thinks about Simon. He is almost always thinking about Simon. There is knock on his door and Baz sits up.

"Come in."

Mordelia, his little sister, peeks inside and says, "Simon is here."

"Okay. Send him in. Jesus, you can always send Simon in. It's not like-"

But Mordelia has already cut him off by shutting the door. Baz sits up completely and fixes his hair a bit. A moment later, the door re-opens and Simon comes inside his room. Baz always feels weird when Simon comes to his house using the front door and not his bedroom window.

"Hey, Sno-"

"Agatha broke up with me." He says flatly, cutting through Baz.

"Oh. Simon-"

"Don't say you are sorry, 'cause I am not."

He shrugs and gives Baz half a smile before he thrusts a paper bag in his hand. Baz peers inside and sees that there are scones inside, of course.

"I was going to say congratulations, you numpty."

That makes Simon laugh a little and they sit down on the floor, their backs against the bedframe. Simon takes out two scones and takes one for himself and gives the other to Baz.

"Seriously, Snow, are you alright?"

"I am. We both think it's for the best." He shrugs. "We were not doing great and I think it's good if we just break up. We are still friends, of course, but not in a relationship. I think that it's great."

"Oh."

"Cheers to me being single again."

They tap their scones together.

* * *

  
Simon blinks.

And then he blinks again.

"You are wearing eyeliner!"

Baz shrugs in reply like it's no big deal. It isn't, it's just that Simon has never seen him wear eyeliner before.

And he looks _good_ in it.

It brings out his eyes and makes them look sharper than they already are and it just looks _really_ good on Baz.

"You look- you look nice."

Simon feels his face burning a little. Nice is an understatement. Baz looks amazingly _hot_. Period.

Simon can't stop staring at his face. Not that he could before, but it's more difficult now to stop staring. First day of their last year at school and Baz is already looking effortlessly cool.

Simon is not jealous of him. He is in awe of him.

And maybe just a little taken in by him.

Just a little.

Or maybe a lot more than a little.

* * *

  
"Mum?"

Lucy looks up from her phone and smiles when she sees Simon.

"Yes, Si?"

"Do you- how do you know if you like someone?"

Lucy gives him a funny look.

"Simon, you dated Agatha. Don't you know when you like someone?"

"I mean yeah, I do. But like, how do you know if you really _really_ like someone and it's just- I am awful at explaining this- I just want to know if I actually really like Baz."

This thing with Baz has been swirling around in Simon's mind for a long time, even when he and Agatha were together, albeit it happened during the last days of their relationship. He knows that he cares about Baz. A lot.

His feelings for Baz have grown stronger or maybe they were always strong, he just couldn't see past Agatha and see what he really wanted.

That's it. He wants Baz.

Lucy grows silent and then she gives him one of her long looks, full of love and understanding.

"I- I think you do. I think you always have. Of course that is not for me to decide but I think you like Baz. Really, _really_ like him."

"Yeah. Wow, I am an idiot. I can't believe I didn't realise it before."

"No, you are not. People have trouble sorting out their feelings sometimes. It doesn't mean that they are stupid or idiotic."

"Right. Do you think I should tell him?"

"I think you should but it's entirely your call, love."

Simon nods.

He wants to tell Baz.

* * *

  
It's four in the morning when Baz hears a soft thump. Groaning, he gets up and rubs his eyes, only to find Simon on his bedroom floor, dripping wet. It's snowing heavily outside and he probably waded across the snow and hauled himself up and into his room.

"Jesus."

He gets up and goes to his closet and then takes out a pair of his own pajamas and tosses them towards Simon.

"Go and change before you catch a cold and then we will talk about what the hell you are doing here at this ungodly hour on fucking Christmas."

Simon nods and shuffles out of the room. Baz pinches the bridge of his nose and ties up his hair. He is absolutely exasperated by Simon at times.

A few minutes later, Simon enters again and Baz tries not to stare at Simon or his ass in his pajamas. Crowley, it's beyond his understanding as to how Simon manages to look beautiful even in _pajamas_.

"So, Snow. What are you doing here?"

"I want to tell you something."

"Could it not have waited till morning?"

"Nope. It's important."

"Alright, then." He sits down on the carpeted floor and Simon sits in front of him. "What is it?"

"I am not straight."

"Okay...?"

"Yeah and I think I am in love with a bloke."

It feels like a blow in his gut. Three years. Three whole years of loving this moron and he thought Simon was straight. But turns out he isn't and also in love with a bloke who is definitely not him. His life is a cruel joke. Of course Simon can't be his.

"Alright. Who is it?"

He says it all in a heroically calm voice though he wants to do nothing except weep alone. He wants to throw Simon out of the very same window he came through.

"I will give you three clues-"

"Simon-"

"I know him very well-"

" _Simon_ -"

"He has dark hair-"

" _Snow_ -"

"He is sitting in front of me."

"Si-"

Baz freezes. Simon is looking at him, jaw locked, eyes unblinking.

"You mean- you mean me?" He squeaks out.

"Who else is sitting in front of me?"

Baz gulps. Dear fucking Crowley.

Then he has tackled Simon onto the floor and he hovers his face over his for a moment.

"Simon Snow Salisbury, I _hate_ you so much."

Then he is smothering his face with kisses and he is breathlessly kissing Simon on the mouth and he keeps on kissing him back and all the while, in between his kisses, Baz mutters, "I hate you. I absolutely hate you."

"Doesn't seem like that." Simon retorts, laughing.

"You have no idea."

And Baz has started to cry. He pulls Simon in for a hug, sobbing all the while.

"Three years, Simon. That's how long I have loved you and I hate you so much."

"Th-that long?"

"Yes, you absolute nightmare."

They kiss again, more slowly this time, enjoying the presence of the other, liking the way their lips move together.

Simon taps his forehead together with Baz's.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, indeed."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Do tell me how this was!


End file.
